Subtitles By: MightyMike77020. Corrected by: Reza Fa.
And in remote outer reaches of the universe,
past civilizations as we know it,
is a galactic system called, the Milky Way.
Now this minor galaxy
contains in its backwards area.
A rather piddling star
known as: The Sun.
With a really pitiful array of planets.
So much for our lesson in space geography.
And I hope you all took notes.
They'll be a test first thing in the century, now then...
Where is he?
Well, speak up. Where is Kreton?
During recess, I saw him kick the ball over Cloud 9.
On purpose.
He said he'll be right back, Mr. Delton.
He better be.
I wonder if he's headed...
There again! Oh, no.
That's Kreton, all right.
Goofiest driver in the whole school.
Kreton.
Uh-uh, mustn't touch.
Let's go buster, back here where you belong.
- It's him. - It's he.
All right young man, I know you're there, come out.
Why don't you come in?
Because I'm the teacher and I said, come out.
Well, I did mean any harm, Mr. Delton.
You see, Mr. Delton? I found my ball.
- Oh, I'll get it. - Oh, no, you don't.
Young man, you and I are going to have a little heart to heart talk.
Back to your seats all of you.
Not you.
Now then,
you know perfectly well you've been forbidden to visit,
that odious little planetoid in the solar system.
But Mr. Delton, earth isn't a planetoid,
it's a full grown planet, it has six continents, five oceans, 2 moons...
- One moon. - One moon?
Well, anyhow, it's my hobby,
you see, as I calculated, right now down there,
they're having a very interesting period: The civil war.
Oh, gee whiz, Mr. Delton. Every guy should have a hobby.
Not in your case.
Remember Mars, your last hobby?
We should have never let you set foot on the place.
Bare, barren, desolate.
Nobody goes there anymore.
No...
Say, maybe if they put a gambling...you know...
Nothing would help.
Thanks to your thoughtlessness, Mars is a dead planet.
What good is it?
Well, you could...
Now Kreton, I want you to write:
"I will not visit the earth", 10 billion times.
Stay after school a bit, if necessary.
But Mr. Delton, I got a date with the fellas,
to go space skiing.
I got wax on my feet and everything.
10 billion times.
10 billion.
Well.
Did he say 10 billion times, or 10 million times?
What's the difference, all start with the first time.
I... will... not... visit... the...
Ahh.
Haa.
He's gone again. Boy, is he in for it.
You mean, "is the earth in for it."
It is...
It is one of them.
It is. It is.
Hello, Mr. Mayberry.
I just picked up my costume for your party tonight.
What are you going as?
General Lee, same as every year.
What are you looking at?
A flying saucer.
A what?
Didn't you see it?
Well, no sir.
This is the real thing, Conrad.
Look for yourself.
You see it? You see it?
Mr. Mayberry, there ain't nothing up there
except a little ole cloud.
Oh, give me those.
Little ole cloud nothing. There she is.
Going round and round and round.
- Let me have another look. - Just as plain as day.
- Well? - I'm looking.
What is your considered opinion, Conrad?
You won't get mad?
Well, of course I won't.
Well, Mr. Mayberry, my considered opinion is:
You oughta' see an eye doctor.
You got astigmatism.
Eye doctor!
Well, I gotta get over to Spelding's,
I gotta drop these flowers off for Ellen.
Astigmatism!
To wear to your party tonight.
Bye-bye.
Oh, my goodness.
It's wiggling like a hula-hoop.
George, I fully realise that you are vice president in charge of programming
but I will not pull my punches.
The American public has faith in Roger Putnam Spelding.
And I intend to expos this flying saucers scare,
once and for all.
On my telecast tonight.
Hello, hello.
Rheba, will you please get off the telephone, I'm talking to New York.
I'm sorry dear, I was calling the Mayberry's.
Do you think you need more mint for the juleps?
Rheba please, I'm talking to George Abercrombie.
Really? Oh, hello George and goodbye.
Evening, Conrad.
Evening, Mrs. Spelding.
Not dressed yet for the party?
Plenty of time, Mrs. Spelding.
Oh, darling, there's some terrible force
that just keeps driving me on and on and on.
Will you just restrain that terrible force
because I'm getting prickly heat again.
Don't forget to dress for the party, Conrad.
Honey, let's get married, right now.
Conrad, as you may have suspected,
I find you sexually attractive,
but you just don't have any... money.
Well, I don't have to believe in money.
Ellen, no marriage till we finish college and get our degree.
Oh, I don't know, maybe marriage is all I'm fit for.
Breading.
Out in the fields and an hour later back to the plow.
Carrying my newborn child on my back.
Ellen!
If you're going to talk that way,
go someplace where small talks appreciated.
Go to a bar or to a bus station.
Sometimes I wonder if all that cod liver oil,
wasn't a mistake.
Children were stuffed with it.
And now look at them.
I'd like a big family.
So would I.
Let's start right now.
- Conrad. - We'll get married.
And then our weekend at the lake.
All I am saying George,
is that it's high time the American public grew up.
How does it look, dear?
George, I am not calling all of the American public, "boobs,"
only the boobs that believe this drivel.
I'll admit its a bit daring
but after all, Scarlet was, a hussy.
Rheba, for heaven sake.
- Hurry, or we'll be late for the party. - Shh.
Rhett...
I am going as Jefferson Davis.
Now that's final George.
My program goes on the air exactly as we taped it this morning.
Goodbye.
Censorship, the curse of the intelligent man.
And what are you doing?
He's just give me a hand, daddy.
He certainly is. Get it out of there.
Her zipper stuck, Mr. Spelding.
No man has the right to zip a girl,
until they're engaged.
Oh, I'm sure we can trust Conrad,
he's very mechanical.
Mr. Spelding, what do you think about these UFO reports?
Poppycock.
Mr. Mayberry doesn't think so.
He swears he saw an unidentified flying object,
heading towards Richmond a little while ago.
Bob Mayberry saw the Richmond plane heading towards Richmond.
Mass hysteria that's what it is.
I am laying it on the line tonight for the American public.
You could be wrong, dear.
Space men. There ain't no such animal.
That's the phrase I'm hitting them with on my telecast.
Remember that scoop you had about Elvis.
You said he was going into the Navy.
Why don't you go home and get dressed?
Yes, sir. Ouch!
I'll be back soon, Ellen.
All right, dear.
Some mechanic.
Flying saucer over Richmond.
Now I've heard everything. There ain't no such animal.
Safe.
Good evening, I wonder if you could help me.
Am I any where near eh...
Oh, I guess he hasn't learned to read yet.
What's the matter Rags? Hungry?
Rheba, when are you gonna feed this dog?
I think he's trying to tell you something.
Of course he is, he's trying to tell me he's hungry.
You see, he's not hungry at all.
- Now, where he ever learn that trick? - I don't know.
Someone at the side door. I'll get it, dear.
Rheba, it's almost seven, do you mind turning on the TV set in the living room.
Of course, dear. Any particular channel?
My channel.
I wanna watch me. Nobody else in this house does.
- Yes? - Good evening, madam.
My name Kreton, and my respect to General Lee.
I should like to see him instantly.
General Lee? Oh, you mean Bob Mayberry down the road.
That's where the party is.
But I'm here for the battle.
Oh, I don't think it will be a brawl,
although last year...
We will be leaving in a few minutes.
Why don't you just drive over with us, Mr. Crouton?
That's Kreton. And thank you very much.
TV set warmed up yet?
Just turning it on, dear.
My husband's television program. He's very popular they tell me.
Oh, really?
- Oh, Mr. Kreton? - Yes?
Do sit down and watch.
Well, television in 1861.
That's funny, I thought it came much later.
- Smoke if you'd like to. - Thank you.
And stop whatever you're doing.
Yes, stop and reflect a moment.
Are you a thinking man?
Yeah, I think, I'm a thinking man.
Why not review your smoking habits.
Wait, I'm busy thinking.
Do it now.
Yes, sir.
But first... relax.
Get comfortable.
Do you mind if I sit down?
Sit down.
Thank you, your very kind.
Now then, before you light up...
Oh, sorry.
Inspect the filter at the end of your smoke.
Look inside... look closely.
What do you see?
Tobacco, what would you see?
Inspect the tobacco.
Try a crumble test.
A crumble test?
Rub the tobacco between your hands.
Now, whiff it.
Wait, I'm still busy crumbling.
Whiff it!
Oh, yes sir.
Does it have that fresh deep down aroma?
Makes you stop and think, doesn't it..
It made me stop and sneeze.
So men just throw that old smoke of yours away.
And try one of these.
Put it between your lips.
Close your eyes.
Now... light up.
Yes... light up... and live.
Light up and live.
Man. I'm gonna be burned to death.
Damn Yankee.
His name is Kreton.
Why can't he walk over there? Who is he anyway?
Some friend of the Mayberry's.
A nice young man.
Oh, confound it. I'm missing me.
This dog has gone nuts. Now scoot, jump.
For several years now certain lunatics elements,
have proclaim the existence of flying saucers.
I should like to nail the subject down once and for all.
There ain't no such animal.
There is no life on other planets capable of building spaceships
and to interject a purely American note,
no country in the world but ours,
has the industrial know how to build such a ship.
Right.
Let me show you some recent photographs
of objects reported to be spaceships.
- Why, president Jefferson Davis. - Number one.
Of all people, I can't tell you how glad I am to meet you...
Oh, I'm awfully sorry, sir.
For what?
Number two.
Your left sideburn sir... They, shot it off.
Number three.
- Quiet. - I'm sorry?
I'm trying to listen.
Oh. I'll listen also, sir.
And number four.
Optical illusions, every one of them.
Mass hysteria.
That's telling them, eh, boy.
Yes, sir. It's too bad, is full of hooey.
Hooey?
Oh well, I believe that's the expression, sir..
Or is it eh, goofidust?
No, hooey! That's it. He's full of hooey.
There's no need for alarm. No need at all.
We shall return to Roger Putnam Spelding, in a moment.
But first. Have you inspected your filter lately.
Smoke Superbo.
Superb tobacco, superbly blended
a superb filter.
Mr. President, don't you listen to him.
He'll burn your whiskers off.
Oh, stop.
I mean it, sir. He did a job on me. He burned my head and my face...
You think I'm full of hooey, eh?
Oh, no sir. I didn't say you're full of hooey,
I said that... that... that...
Well... you're not Jefferson Davis.
You're him, that man on TV.
- That Roger Pelman Sputing. - Spelding.
I know who I am. The question is: Who are you?
Oh, no sir. The question is: When am I?
When are you?
What I mean to say is... what year is this?
1960.
NINETEEN SIXTY
I'm 99 years off.
What year did you have in mind?
1861.
You see, I was on my way to the civil war
and something went wrong with the machine,
or my calculations, I don't know which, but...
I landed here 99 years out of my way.
But I never was very good at dates.
Are you trying to pull my leg?
Oh, no, sir, but if you liked me to...
Oh, I've been awfully rude, sir,
I haven't introduced myself. My name is Kreton.
I'm from the other side.
The other side of where?
The other side of the universe, another planet.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Actually, what am I...
Come on, come on, I know a trick when I see one.
Now where's the wire that you did this with?
What is this?
I'm sorry, I neglected to warn you. You see,
I can touch you but you mustn't touch me, you understand?
Look, I'll show you.
You see?
They do exist and you're one of them.
Well, yo... you come from out there.
That's it, yes indeed.
But that's our little secret now, isn't it, Mr. Spelding?
That's odd. I thought I turned that motor off.
Oh, I'll be spending the night here. That is... if it's convenient.
I'll be right back.
When you boobs my friends, I simply repeat:
When it comes to visitors from outer space,
there ain't no such animal.
That's what you think, you stupid boob.
Oh, Mr. Delton, sir.
You playing hooky too?
I certainly am not.
So you gone over the cloud again, eh?
What's your excuse this time? Another missing volley ball?
Oh, no sir. No, Mr. Delton.
I-I lost my marbles.
No, you lost your marbles long ago.
Well, I-I'll tell the truth, Mr. Delton.
You see the reason I played hooky and came down here is,
because I like the earth and I like the people on it,
and well sir, can't I can study them?
Absolutely not.
But it would be like homework, sir,
after all I am majoring in planet earth.
Under no circumstances.
On second thought,
maybe you ought to get this out of your system.
It might do you a world of good.
Another world that is.
You mean I can stay then, sir?
For a bit.
But remember Kreton, there's a wise old proverb that goes
"up is down and down is up..."
"And never the twain shall meet."
Yes, I remember it. I remember it well, sir.
But you must keep in mind that this visit of yours,
must be a secret.
And don't get involved with these earth-people. You can't trust them.
No, you can't trust them at all, sir,
except Mr. Spelding, he's very nice,
an he wouldn't tell a soul about me.
He wouldn't, eh?
At this very moment, he's calling New York. Listen.
I don't care if he is having dinner. This is important.
I'll fix his wagon.
What are you gonna do, Mr. Delton?
That joker's getting the old "86."
Oh, no, don't disintegrate him, Mr. Delton, please.
He's a very nice man, and he's gonna a party later
and his wife won't have anyone to dance with.
Couldn't you just throw an old 14 at him?
- 14 it is. - Your very kind.
Here's how to start my program tomorrow...
Well, speak up man. I have a dinner party waiting for me.
How do you intend to start your broadcast?
"Mary had a wittle wamb,"
"its fleece was white as snow,"
"and everywhere that Mary went."
Roger, are you out of your mind?
"The wamb... was sure... to go."
Spelding you're drunk.
Study these earthlings but don't get involved.
No, I won't.
Do you worry, Mr. Delton and thank you very much.
And uh, I'll be a good boy, Mr. Delton. Have a good trip.
So long.
What happened?
Well, you were snitching, so you got a 14.
You could have gotten an 86.
What's an 86?
Come and I'll show you.
Well?
Watch that plant.
That's an 86.
You'll like him, he's really a very nice young man.
- Oh, Mr. Kreton. - Yes?
This is my daughter, Ellen.
Hello.
Huh. 36.
24...
36.
That's better... much better.
Pardon?
- Oh, I mean... this bend... - What?
What I mean to say is, it does something for girls.
You see, where I come from, the girls are 36 straight and that's it.
But this, breaks up the monotony.
- Oh, I'm sorry. - He is cute, mother.
I was right.
I was right. I was right.
Good evening, Ellen, Rheba.
I just received a flash from headquarters on the flying saucers.
It's confirmed, Roger.
Why I even saw one with my own eyes, as plain as day.
There were machine guns sticking out of the side
and underneath it had a rack of bomb,
and a tremendous cannon poking out of a pillbox on the top.
Oh, ho ho?
- How do you do. - How do you do.
Have we met?
No, unless you've ever been to X-47.
Oh, this is Mr. Mayberry. He's host to the party tonight.
Oh?
Nice costume.
Right costumes, wrong century.
Oh, get this, Rog, get this.
At 1800 this evening, an unidentified flying object
was spotted high over...
Bob, you shouldn't read that in fount of Roger.
Remember, there "ain't" no such animal.
"No such animal," as what, mother?
As visitors from beyond.
Teensy-weensy little men with long green feelers like this.
Oh, excuse me, Mrs. Spelding,
but the long green feelers went out with the short red tails.
Short red tails??
Bob, Rheba, for heaven's sake.
Short red tails??
That's a good one.
No.
Oh no.
Yes, yes indeed. You put fingerprints all over it.
I mean, I don't care for me personally,
but we are supposed to keep it clean.
You know, sloppy barrier, sloppy mind.
You know what's going on Rog, tell us?
I can't. I have to watch out for that old 86.
86?
Look what happened to the azalea plant.
It's withered!
That's what I mean.
Can I tell them, please?
Well, as long as I am going to be guest in your house,
I suppose it'll be alright.
But remember now.
This is our little secret.
- You see... - I'm from another world.
- From another...? - Planet.
- It's true. - Jupiter?
Jupiter? No one lives on Jupiter.
At least no one I know.
Why did you come here?
Oh... I guess it was a
combined pleasure and study trip.
You know, a visit to your small planet from mine.
8,000,000 light years away.
8,000,000. Imagine.
Poor boy, you must be exhausted.
I am as a matter of fact a little pooped right now.
A good night sleep will take care of that.
I'll fix up the guest room.
Oh, well, thank you very much.
Hi, everybody.
Hi, Conrad.
What is he supposed to be?
A spaceman.
At least that's what I would have said 10 minutes ago.
Ain't I something?
Excuse me, please.
How do you do?
I wonder, do you mind?
Go ahead.
Thanks you.
You know, I'm sick and tired of gonna this old
ball every year dressed as Stonewall Jackson.
This year, I'm going as a sure enough spaceman.
Boom boom.
Oh, you don't need that to boom-boom. May I?
Sure.
Mr. Spelding, who is that?
That you boob, is a spaceman.
A spaceman?
You're kidding.
Would you please sit down and shut up?
Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Spelding.
Get-this-thing-off-me!
Get it off.
Yes, I will. Just a second.
Oops, I'm sorry, Mr. Spelding. I guess I aimed just a little too high.
If you'll just take your hands down and relax.
Just hold perfectly still.
There we are.
See, Mr. Spelding, I can but you can't.
Sure enough ever loving cotton-picking spaceman.
Here you are, Mr. Spelding, I hope that I didn't upset...
Guest room's ready.
Oh, thank you, very much, Mrs. Spelding. I hope I didn't put you out.
Oh, and you find some of the Spelding's clothes in the closet.
Feel free to wear them.
My clothes?!? Are you radioactive?
Oh, you don't need worry about that sir, I've had my shots.
Well, enjoy yourselves everybody. I'm going to beddy-bye.
- Goodnight. - You forgot your bag, Kreton.
Oh, so I did, thank you. Here, and thank you.
Bob...
Where're you going?
I know my duty when I see it.
I'm reporting this to state militia.
I wouldn't do that. He wants it kept secret.
Secret?
Oh, oh, of course. of course. You can trust me, Rog.
Won't tell a soul.
Conrad?
Won't tell a soul ether, Mr. Spelding.
You're darn right you won't.
You think I'd let a blabbermouth like you get me in trouble?
You are not leaving this house tonight.
You are sleeping here.
In my room.
I'm sorry, Mr. Spelding, I just can't.
I mean... well, I'm not gonna leave Myrtle alone in my place all night.
- Myrtle? - His goat daddy. Remember?
Oh yeah...
Myrtle hasn't been a bit well, Mr. Spelding.
She looks very piqued.
And in the last couple of days she been running a temperature.
Well, she can run it over here. Put Myrtle in our barn.
- Is it air conditioning? - Get going.
Yes sir, I'll do that.
What about the party, daddy?
We are not going to the party.
So glad to meet you.
Good evening, good evening.
Mabel, Mabel. Get them to the living room.
- What? - Get them into the living room, please.
Hurry, dear, hurry.
Will you all please go into the living room and enjoy yourself's,
I'll be there in just a moment.
Have fun.
Robert, what in the world...?
Don't ask any questions, Mabel.
This is the biggest thing that ever happened to Manassas...
To the country!
Captain Jackson? Mayberry of Manassas.
Listen carefully, this is top, top secret.
At precisely 7:45 tonight...
Mary had a wittle wamb.
Mustn't do that, Mr. Mayberry.
Oh, hi' ya Rags. Come on in. Come on.
There's no reason why we can't be friends, Rags.
Now, what's on your mind? Come on, out with it.
Oh, I forgot.
I don't believe it. There ain't no such human.
You been spending too much time with Mr. Spelding.
I'm perfectly normal.
Rags, where do you sleep at night?
Me? In a lousy box in the back porch.
They think I'm a watchdog,
but I'm really not, I'm yellow.
So am I.
Rags, I have a thought. Why don't you bunk here with me tonight?
- With you? - Oh, sure, why not?
Rags, you take the lower.
Normal... he says.
- Good morning, Kreton. - Oh, good morning, Ellen.
- You look very pretty this morning. - Thank you.
Well, how do you like it?
Ah, your first day on earth, I mean.
Just wonderful. I liked it a lot.
Except that, its not exactly what I thought it would be.
Why, what did you imagine?
Well, I'm a little disappointed, you know, I missed the civil war and
Gettysburg and Shiloh and Manassas.
You keep talking about the past, are you from the future?
Yeah, uh-huh. I can visit you at any moment in your history.
You know, time is really a trapezoid.
You know what that means, don't you?
No, I'm afraid I don't.
You don't know what a trapezoid is?
Well, I don't either, actually.
That's the trouble with school, you see,
they make you memorize things that your never ever gonna use.
Kreton, what's it like in space?
Oh, it's pretty nice. Especially if you traveling out of season.
- Uh-oh, uh-oh, trouble. - Trouble?
Your daddy's in the study,
and he's waiting for a call from George Abercrombie in New York,
and is he worried...
You mean, you can tell what daddy's thinking?
Uh-huh. Would you like to listen in?
George Abercrombie, big shot executive,
thinks he has brains, well I've got news for him,
his brains aren't in his head their in his...
Oops.
You have to be awfully careful of thoughts.
Like for instance: Your thoughts, right now.
I haven't a thing on my mind.
Except Conrad.
The truth, Ellen?
Poor Conrad, sleeping with daddy,
and if daddy knew what he had planning for this weekend at the lake
he strangle him in his sleep.
No chaperones.
I'm frightened...
No, I'm excited.
I'm really looking forward to...
He's inside, Kreton's inside my mind.
Kreton, stop that!
Ellen, wait a minute,
I mean, well, I didn't mean to embarrass you.
Well, now you know.
Oh Kreton, whole thing is so mixed up.
Well, lets un-mix it.
First, how does Conrad feel about your father?
I'm afraid he doesn't like daddy very much.
And what does your father think about Conrad?
Despises him.
Well, the first thing we have to do is,
change the sleeping arrangement.
Because last night certainly wasn't satisfactory at all.
Now there are 3 bedrooms and I'm in one.
Now lets put Mr. and Mrs. Spelding in bedroom A, together.
Now, you and Conrad...
Yes, this is gonna work out just fine, Ellen.
You and Conrad can take over bedroom B.
Conrad and I, aren't married.
Well, I didn't mean any harm by it, Ellen.
You have to understand, well you see, where I come from, we don't tangle.
You don't tangle?
Oh no, we haven't done that for a long time.
Well, if you don't tangle...
What do you do?
I mean, how do you multiply?
Multiply what?
Each other. How do you have babies?
- Oh, we don't. - I don't understand.
Well, let me explain. You see, we have ourselves.
And since we're for real, forever,
well, there's enough of us.
Do you understand?
So now you... never tangle.
No, never. It's a lost art.
Although I must admit we were a little hasty. I think.
Anyway, you must promise me that you'll let me watch,
the next time you and Conrad oscillate antennas.
Oscillate antennas?
Oh, I'm sorry. That's what they call it on Venus,
but down here I believe they refer to it as uh, Pitch and woo.
May I watch?
Well Ellen, what did I say now?
That's really the one thing I wanna see while I'm down here.
Kreton, you've got to stop talking like that.
I know that your from another planet,
but we do think an awful lot about sex down here.
But were not suppose to discus it.
Anyway, it only happens when nobody's looking.
Morning, Conrad.
Did you sleep well?
I was up all night...
Ellen, your father grinds his teeth.
It's just gruesome.
He's been listening to my mind.
I know all about the weekend at the lake.
No chaperone.
Yeah, how 'bout that?
How'd he find out?
I just told you. I was thinking about you,
and Kreton saw it in my mind.
Guess who I'm thinking about right this minute peach blossom.
So that's how you earthlings do it, huh?
Very interesting. Very interesting indeed.
Well, I'm pretty well straighten away except for just one little detail.
A teensy-weensy thing, I'm still not to sure of.
- Which one has the baby? - Kreton!
Conrad, go get the car, we'll be late for class.
Ahh, in a minute.
I got to go out to the barn and give Myrtle her breakfast.
I'll take her a corn flakes box.
I'll pick you up in a few minutes, honey child.
Corn flakes box?
This seems much more nourishing.
I do believe he thinks more of that goat than he does of me.
What a weekend.
I can just see her gorgeous figure in that bathing suit.
Wow-wee!
Well, your the one alright.
Nobody ever whistled at a goat in a bathing suit.
Except another goat I guess.
Oh, there you are.
If you're not busy, Mr. Kreton, my husband would like to see you in the study.
Oh, gladly.
What are you laughing at, dear?
Conrad's goat in a bathing suit.
Oh? Did he buy her a bathing suit?
I didn't know she could swim.
Why don't you hang a red light on that thing,
it's a menace to navigation.
- Good morning, my boy. - Oh, good morning, sir.
I need your advice. Now I just spoke to New York...
I know. You spoke to George Abercrombie,
and he's on his way here,
he's arriving on the 11 o'clock plane.
But how did you...? Oh... You know what I'm thinking.
Uh-huh, and right now you're pretty worried, aren't you?
Of course I'm worried.
That fellow's my boss.
Hires and fires, fires and hires, all daylong.
Why did I do that, I never drink before breakfast.
A drink what? What is that?
- Bourbon. - Bourbon? May I try?
I'm afraid you're a little young my boy.
Young? Here's my driver's license, see.
I have over 21.
21 million light years?
Yeah, you should have seen my birthday cake with all the candles.
Burned it to a crisp.
I'd-I'd be careful... on an empty stomach.
Oh, really? Oh, then should be... a lotta' fun.
Mr. Delton, are you gonna let him try that stuff?
I am indeed. It will teach him a lesson.
You give that lad enough cloud and he'll hang himself.
Good, good.
Wow, that sure was powerful stuff.
Thank you very much.
Now, now, you can talk later. Time for breakfast.
Ellen and Conrad want to drive Mr. Kreton into town with them.
Do you like your bacon crisp, Mr. Kreton?
Yes, that'll be fine.
Good. You shouldn't be up there, you know,
you'll get footprints all over the ceiling.
Oh, oh, by the way, uh, you can make my eggs, sunny side down.
Now that's silly.
Now I know what they mean by "being high".
Lets have another one.
Well, I'm beginning to understand how you do things here on earth.
When Conrad tickles your ear,
that makes the motor go, right?
Conrad, tickling my ear, has nothing to do with the motor.
It has to do with your motor?
You should try it sometime.
Love... it's wonderful.
Oh, we gave that up ages ago.
We're took it down forever to stamp out diseases,
Scarlet fever, mumps anxiety, the common cold and finally,
the great killer: Passion.
You gave up passion?
Oh, yeah, we don't feel anything. We don't do anything.
Inside were sort of like... cold spaghetti, you know?
- Sounds terribly dull. - Well, it is, a little.
You go right ahead, Conrad. Don't mind me.
Oh, I'm sorry, I was watching.
Unless we get moving very soon were gonna be late.
Kreton, you did that. How'd you ever do it?
Very simple. I just thought him into the air.
The next policeman is yours.
- Oh, may I? - Sure!
- Hey, this is fun. - Oh, it sure is.
- This is one mine? - Be my guest. - Oh, no!
What do I do?
Well, just focus all your thoughts on that policeman.
- Ellen please. - Conrad, watch this.
- Nothing happened. - That's because you're not concentrating.
Now, concentrate. Lift the cop.
Conrad! I did it! He moved! He really moved!
That was wonderful, Ellen.
Tomorrow, I'll teach you to lift buildings.
Isn't this fun?
Hey!
Would you kindly stop flirting with my girl?
Well, I didn't mean any harm, Conrad.
Inside, cold spaghetti, remember?
Cold spaghetti nothing.
You got a hot chile look in your eye!
Now look, look, here he comes.
Probably end up in jail.
Oh, we can't do that. It would spoil our whole day.
Watch him. I'll give him an 8 the easy way.
You know your way back home, don't you fella?
Well, I found my way to the earth, didn't I?
That's a lot easier than finding your way out of a turnpike.
Well... thanks for the car, Conrad.
I'll be careful.
These turnpikes are murder. Ain't they, bud?
Oh, they're not so bad, just follow me.
Flash! Ladies and gentlemen,
the most remarkable event in the history of Virginia
has just occurred in Manassas.
At exactly 9:37 am,
at the Richmond interchange...
Mary had a wittle wamb.
Its fleece was white as snow
and everywhere that Mary went
the wamb was sure to go.
Hi, Clementine.
Hi honey, well, how are you?
Now what's this all about?
Everyday the same old routine.
And I'm getting pretty tired of it.
Here he comes, the terror of Manassas.
Here here now, neighbors should be friends.
Now I want you two to shake hands.
I positively refuse!
Right in the eye, you call her a lady?
Well, now stop this bickering
and I'm not leaving here until you two kiss and makeup.
I won't kiss him but he can kiss me.
There, now that wasn't so terrible, was it?
Dames, she really loves it.
Mrs. Spelding...
Shh! I'm eavesdropping.
Rogers been in there listening to Mr Abercrombie for almost an hour.
I don't like that Abercrombie.
I'm sure Rogers going to lose his job.
Don't you worry about that, Mrs. Spelding.
You've made a few mistakes too many old man.
George if you're saying.
I'm saying that viewer wise,
sponsor wise, information wise.
You Spelding are low man on the totem pole.
The flag is down, the lifeboats are gone and the ship is sinking.
- And I'm the captain? - But not for long.
You're going down for the third time.
Who's this joker?
Kreton? Oh, he's a visitor here.
Last night about 7 o'clock
Mary had a wittle wamb its fleece was white as.
Spelding! Are you in your second childhood?
Yes sir, there's no other explanation.
Abercrombie, I've been looking forward to meeting you for a long time.
You've always been A-1 on my ship
ever since the lifeboat went up the totem pole.
I beg your pardon?
What I mean to say man, you're the talk of Madison Avenue.
Oh? Oh well... aren't you exaggerating a trifle?
Not a bit. How about that humdinger of a deal you pulled on
BB. DD. JJ. And W, eh?
You really gave them the old stabbed in the back. Knife wise.
I really pulled a fast one there, didn't I?
Wait a minute.
Nobody knew about the BB. DD. JJ. And W deal, not even W.
How did you find out?
Well, don't tell me. From my wife.
No! Eloise.
Shh! Nobody knows about Eloise.
Not even your wife.
- Are you sure? - I'm sure.
He's sure.
Oh, good, good.
You see when a man has a wife like mine
and Eloise, like Eloise.
Well, he can get in an awful mess.
Would you pardon me, I want to get some more ice.
Sure.
What's he thinking about? Am I gonna lose my job?
Very important to get rid of Spelding.
I'm sunk.
Oh no, your not.
Oh, eh, Spelding.
I suggest we let this simmer in the pot for a while.
And about that BB. DD. JJ. And W business.
And... Eloise.
This is strictly "entre nous" of course.
Oh, of course.
I won't say a word.
No, not as long as you still have your job eh, Mr Spelding?
Oh, I get it, blackmail!
It's not bad... blackmail.
No, I use it all the time myself.
You got quite a future in the advertising game young man.
Cheerio.
- Goodbye, George. - Oh, goodbye Rheba.
Remember me to your charming wife.
Oh, yes of course.
Thanks, my boy. You saved my neck.
Well, I don't like him.
How everything go, dear?
Fine, just fine, thanks to our young friend here.
He really straiten old George out.
Glade to have been of service, sir.
Aah. What a great son in law he'd make.
- You mean instead of Conrad? - I certainly do.
I don't know... Sputniks, for grandchildren
but I don't think parents should interfere,
mine didn't or I wouldn't be Mrs. Roger Putnam, Spelding. Goodbye dear.
Conrad, you know what I think we oughta do tonight?
- Get married? - No, silly.
I think we should take Kreton to the "Hungry Brain."
- He might enjoy it. - I wouldn't enjoy it.
Not with him.
- You're jealous. - I can't help it.
Baby doll, marry me.
Darling, I can't. Daddy would be furious.
If your daddy thought it would get me out of his bedroom tonight.
He'd forge the wedding license.
Darling, I just can't marry you.
You're sweet, but maybe what I really want,
what I really need, is someone to drag me around by the hair.
Oh, you started. Good.
Oh, don't mind me, I won't make a sound.
I'll just sit back here and take notes. You go right ahead.
Kreton, we went all through that this morning.
It's not polite to snoop on people.
That's right, mister.
Well, I didn't mean any harm. I'm sorry.
Oh, Kreton, Conrad and I have decided to take you out tonight.
You decided...
We decided.
No, we didn't.
Yes, we did!
Well, I'm not going!
Then will go alone!
Mister, I don't approve of my girl going out with strange men.
Kreton is not strange!
They don't come any stranger!
Kreton, you and I are going to The Hungry Brain tonight.
Oh, wonderful!
What is it?
Well, it's our favorite rendezvous. And it's out of this world.
Out of this world? I'd better dress for it.
Well, here we are.
On the moon?
On the moon! No.
No Ellen, The Hungry Brain.
Come on, dear.
What's the matter Ellen, you're trembling. Did I drive too fast for you?
No, its just that I never cross the river before without using the bridge.
Kreton, don't you know what Bridges are for?
Yeah, to shade the fish.
Mr. Mayberry!
Thank you!
Let's go.
Man, now that's out.
That's so out,
he ain't never been in.
Well, real old fashioned music.
I think this is gonna be fun.
Good evening, Miss. Spelding.
Good evening.
Right this way, please.
This cat must be our new leader.
Well, if he ain't, let's elect him.
Crazy. He's a real kook.
Hey kook!
Like uh... who's the new member?
I don't know baby but he sure looks cool.
Welcome to inner space, brother.
Thank you.
Say, uh, that's a real crazy looking pair of jeans you have dad.
Who laid the threads on you?
Jeans? Threads?
Like who's your tailor baby and where can we find him?
Oh, my Taylor. Well, do you know where the Milky Way is?
Yeah the...
The Milky Way.
Yeah, yeah the Milky Way. Go baby Whale.
Well, you turn right at the second nebula
and it's the third planet at the end of the star cluster.
You just ask for Mr De Milo and tell him I sent ya'.
Man this cat talks off the top.
He's tuned in.
Tell me double hipness.
What floor do you get out of when you split from the cloud.
Oh, we don't use floors.
You don't use floors?
Oh no, we use fog.
It's much softer and far easier to keep clean.
Quite a group aren't they?
Oh, yes they are.
Except I'm a little curious. Ellen, tell me one thing...
What are they: Animal, mineral or vegetable?
There people silly. Beatniks.
Man, what we're trying to find out is,
where you planted here or did you come in on the beam?
He wants to know where you come from?
Perhaps you'd rather not tell.
Oh no, I don't mind. I'm sure they won't say anything.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I come from X-47.
I live right near that Taylor I told you about.
Out past the Milky Way.
Out... past... The Milky Way?
Past.
Oh man, this cat's really from out of town.
All right boys, take five, huh?
Hey man, we've been watching you from the bandstand.
Oh, really?
Yeah, you look out enough to make it.
Would you dig wailing with the group?
Oh well, thank you, but I'm not a musician.
Although, I think I would like to play those.
- The skins? - Skins?
The bongos, man!
Oh yeah, the bongos, yeah.
Crazy, let's make it.
Like now let's split.
Well, if it's all the same to you, I think I'd like to play them from here.
You wanna play those... from there?
Yeah.
Kreton, how did you do that?
Oh, uh...
Well, it's quite simple, you see, many, many differen...
♪ Scoobe doobie, swilly a Dow. Ah ow? ♪
♪ Oobie doobie cow. ♪
♪ Ooh be do be, dilla bop. ♪
♪ Diddy boo ooya coo. Mop mop! ♪
♪ Flu Te flu tits city a twee. ♪
♪ Ot ee. ♪ This is a very sad story.
♪ Flu Te flu tits, twee ♪ this is a very sad story.
♪ Flu Te flu tits, twee ♪ you see it's all about a girl who
who fell in love with a no-goodratnick,
and it's very touching actually.
♪ Oo la ve, ♪
♪ Oo dwi. Ot ot! ♪
♪ Dilly boo-din' flop-n'? ♪
♪ Do Ba re Ba. Boo a-suya voodoo ♪
♪ foo ya oo ya foo ya oo ya. ♪
♪ Cuckoo cuckoo cuckoo! ♪
Cuckoo!
♪ Scoo be do be Ida bip. Ah ipp? ♪
♪ Scoo be do be fl-ip. ♪
♪ Skoo de do Dee bitty a dop. ♪
♪ Oh video, oh rideo, ♪
♪ Mop mop. ♪
A little kid's a drop deserted her. Oh, my god. Why?
♪ Dilla boo din flopa' do boo re Ba boo ♪
♪ ya suua' voodoo vooya' ooya coo ya ooya ♪
♪ Cuckoo cuckoo cuckoo! ♪
. Cuckoo!
♪ Scoo be do bee Ida bip. Ah ipp? ♪ Cuckoo!
♪ Scoo be do bee Ida bip. Ah ipp? ♪
♪ Scoo be do bee foo lip. ♪
♪ Roo de do de vidia dop. ♪
♪ Oh video, oh rideo, ♪
♪ Mop mop? ♪
Oh, I'll be alright.
It was a lovely number. To bad she left out the best part.
What part did she leave out?
The part...
Where her father makes it like he...
He doesn't know he did...
I get all choked up when I hear...
Do you mind if I borrow your man?
No, I won't.
Life's a drag daddy-o.
Let's make it.
Oh, thank you, but I'm with her.
No daddy-o, you're with "it".
Come on, honey.
Buzz over to my "hive".
Just watch my hand closely.
Nooo, you're watching too hard.
Just cool it man, cool it.
- Cool it. - Yeah.
- There we go. - Crazy.
Mr. Delton should see me now.
I can young man. I see you very well.
Kreton, you're just wonderful.
Oh, it wasn't anything. You know, sometimes you do things
and you're not really aware what's going on because you're just do it...
Ellen, what are you doing under the table?
- I've had it! - This is ridiculous.
Shave my beard and call me normal! Let's go!
No, wait!
Don't be scared!
I didn't...
Wait a minuet. I...
Kreton, will you come down from there?
I'm sorry, Ellen, I guess Mr. Delton saw more than I figured.
Say, what are those cars doin' over there?
That's inspiration point.
Don't they have a lover's Lane where you come from?
Oh no. We gave that up a long time ago.
Along with mahjong and community singing.
Would you like to go over and... Park for a while?
Yeah, that might be interesting.
Hey, kill the lights!
Turn them off!
Turn those lights down!
Get out of here!
Turn off those lights.
It seems pretty dull to me.
They're just sitting there and they're not even talking.
The reason they're not talking is because they're cuddling.
Look at that gorgeous moon.
Doesn't the moon mean anything to you?
Of course.
Last stop for gas before Mars.
The moon Kreton, spells romance.
That boy and that girl they're kissing.
The moon did that.
Well now?
Is kissing really fun?
Why don't you try it and find out?
That's a splendid idea. I'll run over and ask them.
Kreton, theirs no need to make such a long trip.
Stay here.
I believe I will try it.
It is sanitary but it isn't as much fun.
I'd better get rid of that old barrier.
Oh, I like that.
You know something?
We're gonna do that again.
That's what he thinks.
Kreton this will never do, there isn't any "oomph".
On the contrary, I felt a definite ping in my left vertebrae.
Let's have another whirl at it.
Great.
- Oh boy. - Another ping?
And a pong and a wing ding dong.
I melted it. I melted it. It's the real thing.
I'm in love.
Exactly as I anticipated.
- He's become an earthling. - What a wonderful feeling, Ellen.
He asked for it and I'm afraid he's going to get it.
Oh, marry me.
- What was that? - I must have blown a fuse.
Let's go!
- Ellen, do you know why...? - It's all my fault,
I should never have let you kiss me.
Well, Ellen, don't worry, I-I'm gonna do the right thing.
I'm gonna ask your father, for your hand in marriage.
Marriage?
For my hand in...?
Kreton, do you realize what you're saying?
Well, of course I realise, Ellen.
And all the time you thought I was a cad.
Well, coming up?
No, I think, I'll go get some hot milk,
or cold milk or something.
I'll see you in the morning, Kreton.
Happy, Ellen?
Well, not exactly happy. I'm...more...
More ecstatic. Yeah, me too.
I'm floating on air.
I heard that outer-space carpetbagger.
You're not gonna marry him.
- Are you? - Of course not, darling.
I just don't want to hurt his feelings.
What about my feelings. I'm human too.
What do I mean "too", he's not human. Lord knows what he is.
Well, whatever he is, Kreton is kind and sweet and nice.
Oh, Conrad, what am I going to do?
You gonna marry me, that's what your gonna do.
- We're gonna elope. - Oh, Conrad.
Just as soon as I finish this sandwich.
You know Rags? Ellen and I are really meant for each other.
It's really true love.
I know Ellen and I are from different worlds,
but that shouldn't be an obstacle.
Personally I don't believe in mixed marriages.
- Look at me. - Why, you look just fine.
Fine? My mother was a Mexican chihuahua and my father, a Labrador retriever.
How'd you like to walk around with a warm nose and a cold tail.
Oh, Rags, goodnight.
That poor earthling, Conrad.
He thinks he's going to elope with Ellen.
But I know better.
That's what he thinks.
And you know what's funny, Rags?
Mr. Delton doesn't have the slightest idea about what's going on.
That's what he thinks.
Mr. Delton thinks that falling in love will get me into trouble.
That's what he thinks, boy is he wrong.
That's what he thinks.
♪ Ta-ta ta-de-da de da ♪
♪ Da-da-da, da-da-da da ♪
Good morning, dear.
Young ones not down yet?
Kreton, Conrad, breakfast is ready.
- Where's Ellen? - I don't know.
She wasn't in bed when I woke up this morning.
Neither was Conrad when I woke up...
They both must have had early classes today.
- Oh, good morning, Mr. Spelding. - Good morning, my boy.
- Well, you in a good mood I see. - Oh, never better.
Listen to this:
"The Amalgamated Television Network today renewed"
"Roger Putnam Spelding's contract for another 5 years."
It's your work, my boy.
I want you to know that I'm deeply grateful.
Well, don't mention it...
- Dad. - Dad?
- Well, Mr. Spelding... - Yes?
You see, there comes a time in every spaceman's life,
when he finally meets the girl of his clouds.
Now, you see, sir, I've put away enough blue dingles not only to support...
Roger, Mr. Kreton, come quickly.
This is actually the uh... the point I'm uh... trying to make, Mr. Spelding uh...
You see, Mr. Spelding... oh.
Now what is it?
- The most wonderful thing has happened. - What happened?
They're married. Conrad and Ellen are husband and wife.
- Husband and wife? - They did elope.
- You see, dad... - Dad!?!
Mr. Spelding, we just had to get married.
What do you mean "had to?"
Well, we couldn't wait another minute. Not with him around.
- So we eloped. - Eloped you, you, you...
- Goat herder you. - Ellen!
Daddy please!
- I don't know why you but I... - We thought of this...
Don't get upset, Mr. Spelding, I guess the best man won.
- Now wait a minuet. - Excuse me, dear.
I don't believe the children have had breakfast.
- Conrad, you will stay. - I'll be happy to.
Congratulations, old man. I hope we can still be friends.
You mean you don't feel "that way" about Ellen?
Oh, shes like a sister to me.
A sister, eh, Kreton?
Well, I'll just show them how you really feel about her.
Ellen oh, Ellen, you babe with that crazy build.
I've been watching you shake it around this house
and you been watching me watching you and its driving me mad.
Wow!
Kreton, what are you saying?
I do not know, someone unzipped my mind.
Mr. Delton. Please.
We don't need words honey, not you and me.
The first time I saw you, bells rang,
the earth moved.
It was like there was nobody else in the world.
Just you and me, and the black burning nights,
exploiting like a thousand roman candles.
I propose mister that you discontinue this line of thought, at once.
No, no, its fascinating, really.
But Ellen, I-I didn't mean a word of it.
- That is I, I meant it, but... - What?
No, I-I didn't mean to say it. You see, actually, Ellen, I...
And your hungry eyes, begging me, imploring me and pleading with me,
to take you in my powerful arms.
Wow.
Ellen look, actually this is whole...
Mister the woman you love happens to be my wife.
- Conrad, please. - Wait, just easy honey. Barrier nothing to worry.
Conrad,... go ahead.
CONRAD!
Get up.
Let him have it, Kreton.
Bop him one.
There will be no bopping.
Stand still.
It's stuck, Mr. Delton, please, it won't hit.
- Mine-mine won't hit. - Hit me.
- Mine don't hit. - Conrad, now stop it.
Mine don't hit.
- What's the matter, you a coward? - That's it, yeah.
Fight!
Daddy do something.
With pleasure.
It don't hit. Its... I'd fight if.
- Conrad, now please. - Well, he started it.
Whats going on? What happens here?
What are you all standing around for?
What are you so excited about? Whats???
What's he doing down there?
I'm hanging up the phone.
I hit him.
You... you hit him and you aren't disintegrated?
I can't understand it. The boy's lost his power.
Lost his power?
Then I'm save. I can do my duty. Oh, this is a day.
Haven't you time for a cup of coffee, Bob?
No, no, not now. Keep him cornered Conrad.
I'll get the state police right away.
The National Guard.
The commander general of the area.
Excuse me.
Take it easy, boy, take it easy. We'll get you up.
We'll get you up out of there, come on, up we go.
There... there there there.
I said if you got up I'd hit him again.
Let me at him. They don't call me the Manassas mauler for nothing.
- Shut up. - I didn't mean anything...
- Are you alright? - Oh yes, I'm fine. Thank you.
Just wet. You see, where I come from we don't feel pain.
Oh, we feel wet. You'll feel wet water...
But you don't feel pain.
That's what he thinks.
I didn't even feel the slightest twinge of...
PAIN!
- What's the matter? - Oh, my arms. Mr. Delton.
You wanted to be an earthling, my boy, so take everything that goes with it.
Oh, the leg. Just kick the leg, there's a pain.
Oh, the back is a pain.
There's a head... there's a stomach. Oh, the foot is a pain...
Oh! No more pain!
Mabel is using the phone I gotta use your...
What you...? After him. Don't let him get away.
- He's gonna kill me. - Well... Ah!
Come back and fight like a man.
You fight your way, I'll fight mine.
Come on, open up.
Come out and fight.
I won't come out and I won't fight.
Come on open up, you coward.
That's why I won't come out, I'm a coward. That's it.
A spaceman, general.
S-p-a-s-e. I mean: C.
Yes state police are on their way now, sir.
Oh, good, good. I hope you can make it, sir.
Where's a gun?
- Oh, Conrad. - There's a gun.
Conrad, deserting your post of duty?
I need this just in case he tries to break out.
Oh, give me that, it's just a conversation piece any...
Sure talks loud, don't it?
Oh, the police.
Excuse me, I better go make sandwiches and coffee.
Come on, there's nothing to be afraid of.
Let's get out there. Come on.
Well, after you folks. After you.
I'll stay in back so I can plan our strategy.
Watch it. Watch it, he's in there.
He's in there men. He's in there.
He's in there.
He's jet-propelled.
No, he ain't, it's Myrtle. Myrtle did it. Myrtle you come back here.
Woa!
All right, out of here.
Out of here. You might get hurt.
I am hurt.
All right men, Get out of the barn, come on, get moving. Lets go.
Loudspeaker.
All right mister, we've got you covered.
I said, we've got you covered.
- Sorry. - Certainly.
Myrtle, hear Myrtle. Where did you go to? You come to papa, are you hear?
Give me that.
You haven't got a chance.
Come out with your hands over your head.
I said, come out with your hands over your head.
- Sorry, I took so long, dear. - Rheba.
- Ellen? - No, thank you.
Come out with your hands over your head.
Officer, egg salad or tuna fish sandwiches?
Please, ma'am, not now.
Conrad?
We mean business, if you don't come out we'll have to use the tear gas.
Tear gas. Such a good idea.
Pardon me.
Their he is men. Watch him. Keep your eyes on him.
The wind must have changed. It's backfiring.
Watch yourself.
Put the women in the cars!
Roll up the windows!
Roll them up fast!
Myrtle.
I can still fly. I can still fl... woah!
Come down out of that barn, mister.
I am out.
I'm going in.
The general doesn't want us to rush the place until he gets here.
He's on the way with a Life Photographer.
You naughty spaceship, you shouldn't go away without me.
Wait, wait, slow down. Slow down, your gonna get me s... ohh.
Oh, I'm sorry. Hello, Mr. Delton. It's your ship.
Had enough, young man?
Oh, yes indeed. Yes sir. I've had it.
Well, you always wanted to be an earthling and now you know what its like.
You felt the pain of love, the pain jealousy...
And the pain of pain. And that is the worst pain.
This is a crazy mixed up planet, Mr. Delton. I'd like to get out of here.
And you'll never come back again?
Never. I promise. The furthest I'll never go to the moon.
You've learned a good lesson, my boy.
Remember, the grass is always greener on the other side of the universe.
So keep your nose out of other people's planets.
And from now on, I will.
Sorry, Mr. Delton, I hit my leg down there.
- Mr. Mayberry? - Sir.
Where's that spaceman?
Spaceman general? There ain't no such animal.
So long, earth. It been lots of...
Mr. Delton.
Oh, Mr. Delton!
Mr. Delton, help.
Help! Mr. Delton!
Mr. Delton!
Subtitles By: MightyMike77020 Corrected by: Reza Fa.